The Ranch
- Price Range: $$$
- Accepts Credit Cards: Yes
- Good for Groups: Yes
- Wheelchair Accessible: No
- Outdoor Seating: Yes
- Happy Hour: Yes
- Alcohol: Full Bar
- Smoking: Outdoor Area/Patio Only
- Coat Check: No
17 Reviews for The Ranch
I am never excited to write a bad review but this one is required. This bar is Douche-bag central, packed full of frat dudes and ex-frat dudes, college girls with too much makeup and too little dress. The crowd is not friendly and the drinks are not made well. Please don't wait in line while some dude, who thinks he's The Man regulates the door, only to discover a meat market.
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I was always curious why was Ranch so popular everytime I pass by the long line of people to the bar at night. We finally went there on Friday and let's just say that I was pissed off to find out this place is nothing but a sports bar with a few plasma tv playing ESPN and big patio with ugly chairs and tables.
There are a lot of hoochies here and it was entertaining and see how guys walk around looking for preys while the girls in muffin dress and 5-inch high stilettos waiting for prince charming to sweep their feet away. Well, there are good looking and dressy people (and that's why my single guy friends love coming here) but it makes me feel like I am in the "silicone" valley.
Oh, I did enjoy seeing the fight on last Friday night. The dude who knocked the other guy out basically fled the scene after the guy was on the ground, unconscious.
Can you say MEAT MARKET?!?!? Wow! I didn't know what we were getting into when we decided to stop by here on a Friday night! Let's just say, if you're wanting to look at girls in uber-short skirts and men in tight black shirts, then this is your spot.
As for me, I think I've had enough of the Ranch's $6.00 Stellas. I'm not going to be back anytime soon.
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1 Previous Review: Show all »
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04/08/2008
The "flow" in this place was fantastic. From a feng shui point of view this place has it all… Read more »
Think "Mega". Think the movie "Road House".
Viola! Now you got The Ranch!
No. You won't get a super-sized rum and coke, and bartenders who wear button down muscle shirts. I'm saying the place reeks and fosters the Texas stereotype: Big, rough and confused.
It's big. The Ranch has adjoining two or three large patio areas that extend from the main bar room on the 2nd floor and another, smaller bar on the first floor.
Reminiscent of super sized bars you find in San Diego or Orange County's beach areas, The Ranch has that same setup using adjoining rooms or sections to accommodate more people without consideration of bar style and social ambiance.
Dead stuffed animals? Oh I missed that. I was totally oblivious to it because I was more concerned about navigating around the place without being trampled like it was a bull stampeded in a real ranch.
The place is big enough for me to think of the phenomenon of gravity produced by planets. I imagine the main bar discharges a force that pulls and propels people to an orbit around it. The smaller bars act like moons. Less powerful that its planet counterparts, it only exerts a small amount of force. As a result, you see pockets of groups take longer to wandering off to other areas.
When you come to The Ranch, expect crowds. It will be busy; especially on weekends. I think that is the biggest downside is that sometimes you feel like you are being shuffled around against your will.
The crowd is eclectic without specific style or classification. What tweaked me is the music. I was listening to R&B, then Pop, Hip Hop and then suddenly Country. Of all those music genres Country is the odd man out and enough to tweak your buzz and stop your conversations.
As with most bars in Austin, the prices for drinks are relatively inexpensive and the potency of the liquor in drinks is satisfactory. I found the bartenders friendly and receptive to getting orders quickly.
The Ranch is surely a Texas bar, big, burly and rough around the edges, I could picture this bar in Houston or Dallas, but it does not serve itself well to Austin's unique and edgy flair.
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Okay, so most of my friends (who also happen to be Yelpers) hate this bar. I will not cave to this moment of peer pressure and say that I hate this place, because, I don't.
Stuff That Was Weird: Lots and lots of stuffed animal heads. You are in Austin, which is, by definition, in Texas, but holy dead animals, Batman! Those South Austin hippies are going to be all over your ass (see also Qua)
Stuff I Liked: Doors on both sides, fans and A/C in the middle. Great breeze that flowed through the room, fanning my overheated body. Also, the wood floors and walls. Felt like a patio inside a building.
Stuff I Felt Meh About: The crowd. Not really my scene, but then again, I wasn't the person who picked The Ranch.
Stuff That Made Me Want To Gack: Some of the slightly "interesting" cocktail waitresses. Take "interesting" to mean whatever you want it to mean.
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Started here early--at 8:30 it was very nice to sit on the outdoor patio portion upstairs and have some drinks. At around 10, the place was suddenly completely packed, uncomfortably so. It was so packed that someone from the bar came and told us we were no longer allowed to sit, and they took our table. After we had a group of about 12 that had been drinking there for a couple hours.
To top it off, when I went to close my tab, the bartender girls said "We had it but lost it. Your card may have been charged, it may not have." I haven't checked yet to see if they charged me for my drinks, so it either worked out in my favor, or as my boyfriend put it: "How do you know they didn't accidentally charge you for seven bottles of Kristal?" Which I could definitely see some dude ordering there to impress girls in shorts that show their vags.
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What can one say about The Ranch? First, it is appropriately named. As Natalia astutely points out, this place is filled with cattle. Meatheads and heffers alike. Sometimes this place feels more like a frat house than a stylin 6th street bar.
Which brings me to number two: this place is dangerous. My friends, for some reason unbeknownst to me, continue to go to this place; as such, I've been there enough times to see multiple random acts of violence. As Charlie in DC can attest to, the security in this place seems to be lacking. I don't know, maybe its just me but with all that testosterone and anger from tiny/overpriced drinks, it would make sense for management to invest in some Vegas style security. I'm sure my friend that got knocked out the other night - for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON - would second that motion.
Really, this place is probably good for....actually, not really sure what this bar is good for.
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Has anyone noticed that the Ranch is a creepily accurate copy of Buffalo BIlliards upstairs? It was bizarre! It was so weird, I didn't even get a drink.
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I see dead animals. They are everywhere all around us.
I've only had two visits to the new Ranch. Both times only the roof top was open, so I can't review the downstairs "lounge area."
I enjoyed the rooftop, there is a huge square bar under a cover, but the room is open at both ends. They have a full bar and draft beer. I noticed Miller Lite, Pilsner Urquell, Guiness, Fat Tire, Dos XX, Shiner Bock, and Firemans 4. Not a bad selection.
Alas, no Lone Star. I don't always drink beer, but when I do and there is no Lone Star, I drink Dos XX. Stay thirsty my friends.
Mine was $3.00 American early on a Saturday evening. Served in a nice cold heavy mug . I like cold mugs of beer.
Over the bar, there are 10 42" or maybe 50" HD flat screens. Nice pictures on 'em.
The place is still so new, it smells like wood. I like the smell of wood. There are moose, deer, elk, and ram heads over the wall. You know because it is a Ranch.
They have hella comfortable leather bar stools. The patio is really nice, with a lounging feel. From it you can look down on the people on the Molotov rooftop.
I think they did a good job opening the place, it is big and very nice inside. The place wasn't very crowded when I popped in from Little Woodrow's around 5pm on a Saturday during March Madness.
I liked the Juke box, and the art on the walls. Excellent Willie poster. They obviously spent some cake on the lighting fixtures, including this one really cool antique looking lamp/dual brass fan thingy, I covet.
I hate to judge a place on the people that go there, but it is inevitable I reckon. I would just say late at night, I don't think this is my type of place. I do find it enjoyable on an off night happy hour though.
The two guys next to me were arguing about what kind of porche the one guy should buy. A Cayenne (SUV), since the baby is coming, or just stick with a Carerra.
Thats all I have to say about that.
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Oh wow! I've found my least favorite bar in Austin. This place is like a bad stereotype. Well, I guess not actually. These people exist, and like to go out to The Ranch. If you are a post-college age guy who likes to wear the same button down shirts/polos as your friends and lean on the bar staring wolfishly at women (and grabbing their butts- true! true story!), or a girl who likes to dress up and pose and preen and dance sexily (come on! you dance just like every other trying-to-be-sexy-dancing white girl) for all the wolf-men you're trying to impress, this is the bar for you!!
Also super crowded (on a thursday) with cheesey music. I hate big screen TVs at bars that aren't sports bars. But there was no cover at least and the girls were hotter than average.
My cousin and I walked in to meet some of her business school friends and she said, "This place makes me wish I was drunk enough to not care that I'm here."
Drink up. It'll take more than usual.
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Of course! Upscale W. 6th rodeo lounge meets good old-fashioned severed deer heads. Named ambiguously so as to conjure up images of a dystopian white-robed cult compound. It was so obvious, you idiot!
Incidentally, other ideas were considered--and eventually rejected by the investors--instead of "The Ranch":
"Das Chucky": Gothic German-themed disco that serves schnitzel. Entire thing is filled 3-feet deep with playpen balls.
"MiniMax": Elegant ultra lounge with striking all green decor. Drinks are served by "little people" that periodically orbit the lounge on a life-sized hobby train.
"Mars": Space themed bar, complete with red sand and fake asteroid craters. Bar staff entirely comprised of 12-foot tall Lego robots that speak Polish and shoot Jack n' Cokes out their anuses.
Like... what hell is going on here? Have we really become so jaded by illogical bar themes that we don't even flinch at this shit? Am I just crazy?
Whatever. I give up. The Ranch: Get wasted on 15 Miller Lites and meet a nice vapid coke whore to bring home to mom.
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As an Elite Yelper, I know I am not supposed to write one sentence reviews. However, If I did, my review of The Ranch would be as follows,
This place looks the the kind of bar Pat Green would open, if Pat Green were Bill Gates.
Seriously, I'll take "Trying Way too Hard" for $400 please, Alex. There are great stuffed animal heads on the walls, yuck. That is not what being Texan is all about, but that didn't really bug me. The paintings of Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash were awful, but that didn't really bug me either. I get that bars need a schtick, and I am cool with it. But try to imagine someone turning The Mean Eyed Cat into a Vegas Casino, and you get The Ranch. Sadly, it comes complete with the same bad club music they play all over West 6th these days, pumped in from a sound system instead of blended in by a DJ who knows how to work a crowd.
You shouldn't get me started on the poor clueless bar staff, either. OOOOPS, just did. First, bartenders should know how much their product costs. When the poor little girl told me that the two bottled beers I ordered (1 Stella, 1 Bud) were $9.00, I was a little upset. Of course, you pay it and don't complain, never be that guy. But when she brought back my change and told me, uh oh, it was actually $10.00, and didn't even bother to smile or apologize or flirt with me or ANYTHING to soften that blow, I have to admit, it hurt her tip a little. Those who know me know I am NEVER, EVER that guy, I never stiff a bad server or bartender even on horrendous service, but it's a good way to draw the bare minimum from me, which she did. Meanwhile, I was watching this other clueless sod behind the bar just wasting away his and his coworkers earnings for the evening.
Really, dude, if you are hot young 24 year old tall, brooding, long dark haired bartender boy, working a hot new club (the place was packed with douchebags) and the little perfect black cocktail dress saunters up to your bar and orders a scotch on the rocks (gotta give her credit for that one) YOU SMILE AT HER! At the very least, you serve her without looking BORED! You do NOT squint, no matter how bad the lighting is, you do NOT serve her drink without a cocktail napkin, you do NOT miss the opportunity to make some extra cash by flirting with her a little bit, you dim witted fool.
Sorry, but as I have said to my best friend before, me and a couple of good folks I know could have cut that room up.
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Still do not want. But I do want to try out this "update review" function.
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1 Previous Review:
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05/30/2008
Do not want.
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As Austin grows, so grows it's need for alcohol, and new bars must open to fill that need. An area that has seen a lot of new bars opening is 6th street west of Congress. This area has been struggling with an identity, but I think after several years, and many bar openings that is beginning to come into focus. Which is that this area seems to attract a lot of... Douchebags.
The newest addition is The Ranch which is located upstairs from J Black's (a bar so horrible that I refuse to rate it, as I cannot give it 0). On first entering you notice that it is awkwardly new. You can smell the sawdust, notice that all the bathroom doors still work, and there aren't any broken chairs yet. The staff seems nervous and little wet behind the ears. The drinks served promptly and are pretty good. As bars goes it isn't bad but isn't remarkable either. If I was standing in front of it and realized I needed a drink, I'd go in. But I wouldn't go out of my way to get here.
My big problem is the clientele. A lot of men in there late 20s early 30s doing Jager bombs, and cocaine in the bathroom. It's like someone opened a portal, and you've just stepped into Dallas. The ladies where no different, looking as though they had spent way too much time getting ready for Tuesday night. Most of them having career ambitions which end with being Mrs "insert last name of regional sales director here".
Not the worst bar in town, but some vile people drinking in it.
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I went on a Saturday night, so I might be biased because it was crazy.
Bad: My Dos Equis was 5.00. A six-pack of Dos is 6 bucks. I could have bought limes with that six-pack by the time I tipped.
Bad: Fratacular guys + Cougar-y women= Ick. I'm just callin' it like I see it. I counted several Croakies at midnight. Yes, that means they wear their sunglasses at night!
Good: They have really nice TVs. I can imagine it would be fun to watch a game if you had someone to pick up your tab.
Good/Bad: The big open ceiling. What happens here when it rains?
Bad: Lack of space and lack of seating.
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I love this place. It's one of the only bars that plays good country music. On top of that they have quite a few flat screens that are great for watching sports. I try and only go on a Sun.-Wed. night as it doesn't look like it would be much fun when its crowded. But, if its pretty empty, you can sit at the bar, watch sports, get good service, and have a few cigarettes (not too many places where you can do that these days).
I had the very unfortunate experience of visiting The Ranch on Saturday May 17, 2008. What started out as one of the greatest nights of our lives (I was there with 23 of my good friends), sadly ended as one of the worst.
First, let me state that I understand some will not believe everything I say, simply assuming I am in some kind of competitive position with The Ranch or have some kind of petty axe to grind; nothing could be further from the truth. I had never even been to Austin before. My friends and I were simply visiting from out of town for a bachelor party. We have no connections (that I am aware of) to any competitor of The Ranch whatsoever. And before this night, we had no personal connections to The Ranch.
Now that that's out of the way, let me tell you why, for your own safety as well as that of your friends and family, I strongly implore you to never visit, support, or be involved with The Ranch in any way. This past Saturday, following last call - and a great night - my friend went to use the restroom in the rear of the bar one last time before leaving. As he left the restroom, he was immediately surrounded by approximately 10 guys, who started physically and verbally threatening and intimidating him. At this time, my younger brother happened to be walking towards the restroom. He saw what was happening and moved in to the middle of the crowd to get people away from our friend. Within seconds 2 of the guys blindsided my brother and literally threw him violently down the back stairwell. After tumbling down the flight of stairs and laying on the ground in severe pain, 4-5 guys jumped on top of my little brother and began beating him badly -- punching him in the face and kicking his body repeatedly. At this time that my friend also began to get assaulted by the remaining guys that had surrounded him.
At the beginning of this unfortunate event, I was alerted that my brother and friend were in trouble in the back of the bar. I immediately ran to help out and discovered the pile of people pummeling my friend and brother was so large at this point that I could not even identify them. Within seconds of my trying to move people out of the way to break up the fight (I had not punched, shoved, or threatened a single person), 3 individuals immediately grabbed me from behind, put me in some kind of headlock with my arms behind my back, repeatedly threatened to punch me in the face (fist cocked in my face - despite my hands behind my back), and began carrying me to the front door, telling me "don't get involved." I remember few things more vividly than my thought at the time that despite the fact that 2 people were getting severely beaten by at least 10 others, these THREE individuals chose to escort me out the door instead of breaking up the larger, far more severe beating. Whether these 3 were official "bouncers" or not, I cannot say for sure, since I can't recall what they were wearing; however, the guy guarding the front door -- who was certainly a bouncer and employee of the bar -- obeyed the instructions of these three individuals to not let me back in.
Sadly, as I was forced out front, the ~10 on 2 beating of my brother and friend continued for several more minutes, down the back stairwell, and ultimately outside of the back door of the bar. Both my brother and friend had been beaten so severely that each had to visit the emergency room for treatment and testing. Unfortunately, what may have been one of the biggest mistakes of my life was not calling the police on the spot, as it took nearly 24 hours (and flights home - outside of Texas) to piece together what had actually happened and the fact that neither my brother nor friend had done anything to warrant a vicious ~10 on 2 beating. I do not know if bouncers were actually involved as aggressors in the fight. I do know they were, at the very least, horrendously incompetent at or uninterested in protecting the two customers who needed their help most and had done nothing to deserve a violent and cowardly ~10 on 2 beating.
Thank you for your time.
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